Just recently I was talking to a friend of mine who is going through a difficult break up. As we all know, this is a very difficult thing to deal with. Some people say that the break up of a relationship, or a divorce is equivalent to the death of a loved one. I don’t know about that, but I do know that it is hard as HELL and it’s definitely not easy. But is it right to continue to make your soon to be ex lover miserable simply because you don’t want the relationship to end. I say NO…..sometimes respecting the other persons wishes and accepting the break up may be good for both of you. Because, who wants to be with someone that doesn’t want to be with you. I guess what I’m getting at is, the way you respond to adversity in your life explains a lot about your character. If you are one of those people who continues to call your ex when they no longer want to communicate with you, send nasty text messages, lie to them and lie about them to others…..well you may very well be the reason why this person no longer wants you in their life. I realize it’s difficult to face our own character flaws but self evaluation is necessary for all of us, otherwise how do we correct our mistakes and become better individuals. Everyday of our lives we all face challenges, some of us play the victim….my friend Yvonne calls it the “Woe is me” factor. C’mon….Really!!! Everyone is not out to get you. Realistically speaking, most people are not giving you that much thought or energy. GET OVER YOURSELF. Take a yoga class, start exercising read a book. Whatever it takes to distract you from the negative space….DO IT. Now I understand that life is hard sometimes and we all make mistakes but we have to be truthful to ourselves and take on life’s trials and tribulations like the positive, successful adults that we are. ADVERSITY…….how will you handle it going forward?
Author Archive for Dina Powell-Ward
Adversity……….
Are You…….
It’s the Holiday season and the new year is quickly approaching. Before you know it, it will be 2012. Another year will be placed in the record books, as they say, ancient history. With all of that being said, I’m wondering are you……
Whey I say that I’m asking numerous things. Are you being the best person you can be? Are you being a good parent to your children? Are you being the best partner in your relationship? You get the idea. With the newness of the upcoming year I think we all should do some reflecting on our own personal lives. Sure, I think that I’m a good person and I feel like I’m a decent wife and mother but let’s face it, there’s always room for improvement. So let’s take this time to ask ourselves the tough questions and answer them honestly. In my everyday life I talk to women who are successful in their jobs, they have great relationships with their friends and families but they are failing in the love department. Now, some women are quick to say, “there are no good men out here” or “I can’t meet a nice guy” C’mon ladies let’s be honest….sometimes our list of requirements can be a bit ridiculous. For example, it’s not fair to shoot a brother down just because he has a little something extra around the middle. When you know that you have something extra yourself when you go home in the evening and peel that size 8 body magic girdle off your size 12 body. That’s not fair. Or if you yell at your children for waiting until the last-minute to do their homework or producing less than your expectations academically, and you don’t take the time in the evening to go over their homework with them or even discuss the happenings of their day. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not standing on a high horse, I’m just trying to get us all to take a serious look into our own everyday lives and try to make improvements accordingly. The new year will be like our clean slate, therefore we have no excuses but to give it a try. Now Are you……if so, then that’s great. But if you are like the rest of us and can stand to do some maintenance, take a serious look and handle it accordingly.
Pleasing Self v. Pleasing Others
The Easter season has just passed us, and this is usually a time where we reflect on all that was given for us and time spent with family. I’m a Christian, but I’m not one to preach to people because I believe everyone should have their own PERSONAL relationship with God. But Christ’s sacrifices have triggered some thoughts and I was wondering if we are obligated to sacrifice our own needs and wants just to please our loved ones.
For example…and keep and mind that I speak from a woman’s point of view because I am a woman. OK, with that being said. As women we tend to put our needs second behind our children especially, but also our jobs, our friends, needy family members, our significant others and sometimes even strangers. Maybe it has something to do with the way we are raised. Our Mothers have always dressed us pretty and wanted us to smile to give the perception that we were the perfect little girl and she was the best Mother, when in reality some of us were smart mouth, spoiled brats. With that ideology being thrust upon us for a daily basis for so many years, it would explain why some of us are “people pleaser’s.” I’m willing to go out on a limb and say that at some point in all of our lives, we as females have done something just to please someone else. I know that I have, on more than one occasion.
Since I have turned 40 years old, I made a promise to myself that I will not do anything that I don’t want to do just to make someone else happy. Don’t get me wrong, I will continue to make personal sacrifices for my son…Hell, that’s what parents do. And I will not mistreat others for my own personal benefit, that’s not what I’m saying. But I will not do something like go to a party that I really don’t want to go to out of obligation, or hang out with a person that I don’t particularly care for just because it’s polite. It may be selfish, but I can’t do it….sorry, the party’s over. Life is too short to be selfless and accommodating to a bunch of miscellaneous individuals who you really don’t give a Damn about you in the first place. What kind of person can I be for my family and friends if I can not be true to the person that I look at in the mirror everyday. Some may say this is a conceited and or arrogant way of thinking. But until you have lived a little and your kindness and selflessness has been taken for granted time and time again. I believe a dose of self-preservation is warranted. Being strong enough to say NO without feeling guilty is liberating and most of all….NECESSARY. If we don’t take a stand eventually are sanity and our physical health will suffer. Just like we eliminate toxin from our physical bodies, toxic individuals and situations should also be purged. If it’s not benefiting your mind, body and spirit…GET RID OF IT! So I say, to sacrifice self to please others is a foolish mistake. That’s my opinion. What do you think? Tell me how you feel.
We as people complain sometimes about our day-to-day lives. We may get stuck in the valley of routine with activities of everyday living. It can be your job, your spouse or lack there of, your financial situation, your kids….. You get the idea. But as a living, breathing human being it is your responsibility to YOURSELF to become an active participant in your own life. Instead of riding the train of existence don’t you think it’s time to live your life?
I hear a lot of women say that they want to find someone to share their life with. How can you do that if you have no idea who you are and what you want for your own life. If you want a life partner, first you need to be the type of partner that you would like to attract. As the saying goes, we attract our own mirrored image. So start sorting through the dirty laundry of your life. In order to make progress you have to be very honest with yourself. I realize that this is easier said than done, but if you are lying to yourself there is no room in your life of lies for someone special. In all actuality, you don’t deserve anyone because you would then become the culprit and you run the risk of hurting an innocent individual with your selfish inadequacies. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but we have to be a bit abrasive to face ones own truths.
Now, once you have gotten your house in order it is time to rid ourselves of those individuals that we KNOW are not good for us. If there is a someone who you are currently involved with and you realize that they are not worthy of your precious offerings, GET RID OF THEM! They are occupying a space that can be filled with your future life partner. Surround yourself with people who are positive and uplifting and eliminate those who are draining, negative and for lack of a better word…miserable. We all have a girlfriend who is constantly complaining. She has tons of advice to give, but her house is so damn messy she doesn’t have room to assist anyone else. You know the old saying, Misery love company. Get rid of her too!!! I don’t care if you guys have been friends since college. It sounds like you are a friend to her and she is a burden to you. Last but definitely not least, needy family members. I know that we are supposed to help our family, but unlike our friends, we don’t get to choose our family. You get what the DNA pool deals you. Now you will always be family, but you don’t have to surround yourself with them. If you feel uncomfortable when your needy family members number shows up in your caller id, don’t answer. It may seem selfish, but self-preservation is the key. How helpful can you be to anyone, including family if you are not complete. Therefore you owe it to yourself to put your own happiness first.
Ok, so the house is clean and now we can start focusing on our own happiness. It seems that we are just getting started and this is true, but by getting rid of negative and cumbersome influences half of the battle is done. There is nothing in your way to prevent you from finding your life partner or starting your own business or whatever your dream may be. Because you have gotten rid of the unwanted weeds and have landscaped your life, you can see clearly now and the sky is the limit. If that’s not being an active participant for ones own happiness, I don’t know what is. It’s worth considering…….
My name is Dina,
I’m not an expert on relationships or social and political issues but I do take a very practical and candid approach to things that affect us on a daily basis. One thing I know that we all are looking for is happiness. Contrary to what any woman may say or do, she would like to have a special someone to spend time with. I know we say to our girlfriends and to the significant others that hurt us, “I don’t need a man. I’m an independent woman and I can handle it.” I hate to say it ladies, but that is complete an utter bullshit! I apologize for language, but it is the absolute truth. Sure we can go to work, clean the house, do the laundry, pay the bills, balance the check book, console your girlfriend about her problems, help your children with their homework, prepare a Thanksgiving dinner while finishing off a $20.00 bottle of wine. But we all enjoy one person in our lives who can rub your feet at night and wrap their arms around you allowing some of life’s pressures to be soothed away. Society has put so much pressure on women that we have to take what we feel we are owed. We had to fight for just about every right that we have, for example: If it weren’t for Susan B. Anthony and her comrades, we wouldn’t have a right to vote. It wasn’t long ago when it wasn’t lady like for a woman to drive a car or have a drink. We have come a long way ladies and we should be proud of ourselves, but obtaining those monumental achievements SHOULD NOT negate the facts that we are still strong LADIES.
See I believe LADIES are different than WOMEN. I know you think I’m nuts, so let me explain. A woman is a female who can multitask and handle the daily obstacles of life without missing a beat. She can talk on her cell phone, maneuver through rush hour traffic while listening to her tween tell her everything about her day. But a LADY…well she comes home and listens to her significant other talk about the details of their day. When her husband offers to do the laundry to give her a break, she allows him to do that even though he ruined the white clothes last time. When he asks for her opinion about his tie, she picks out the one which she knows is his favorite. The point I’m trying to make girls, is that a Woman takes control and that is fine, but a lady knows when to relinquish that control to make that special person feel exactly that…..SPECIAL. As I stated earlier, I never claimed to be an expert. But as Women, I think we could all use a hand from those that are significant in our lives and allowed to be the beautiful LADIES that we are. I’m just saying, now tell me how you feel…….
